Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Nothing-ness


In honor of my super annoying brother-in-law, I've decided to post a blog about nothing in particular. He yells at me for posting about things which end on a positive note and are encouraging/teaches some sort of lesson....I think he suggested writing with rage....rage....RAGE!!!

It's hard for me to write in rage because I'm never really mad, but I can tell you about the last time I was mad. I was playing euchre with my sister, Jon, Amy, and I have just learned the basics of the game so naturally I'm not very good. SO, after being totally lost and being told what cards to play the entire game by Andy I was getting tired of the game but couldn't stop till the entire round was over. In a moment of irrational irritation I lashed out at my beloved Frankie when he was trying to call me to say hi....So what did I learn through this? That when I am learning something new and don't understand it right away and don't catch on really super fast, I get really mad. I think it's probably a pride/insecurity issue so that's interesting...

I was also thinking about marriage the other day and what it'll be like. Frankie told me he expects me to cut his toenails, do thorough cleanings of the house every day using a toothbrush for detailed cleaning, cook at least 3 meals a day (with a minimum of 4 courses each), pluck his eyebrows, do all his laundry, birth at least 5 kids in the first 3 years of marriage, and paint self-portraits of him every year to hang in the hallways of our house. I also expect a lot from him though, I mean I expect at least one vacation a month to places like Hawaii, France, Italy, Spain, and Ireland, lots of expensive jewelry, a box of chocolates every Monday morning by my pillow, serenade me every night before bed, rub my feet at the end of every day, a back rub every other night, and a monthly allowance of $2,000 for clothing. I think we're off to a good start....;)

My dad makes the volume on the TV so loud I think I'll go deaf before this blog is over.

I think it's funny that they put instructions on a pill package telling you what to do with the pill. What else would you do with it? Do you pick up your pills and crush them up and use them for seasoning in your food? Here's a recipe for success: crush up some prozac and use it like a sandwich sprinkle or like you would salt. Salt is actually a food enhancer, it opens up your tastebuds to let in more flavor....it's the same concept, it's like salt, it just enhances your happy-factor. What else would you do with your pill besides swallow it? Let's see....you could use it to play finger football, you know where you make the triangle with paper? Or you could use colace pills in a muffin recipe...that's a tasty treat for someone you don't like very much! You could make a pretty collage out of vitamin supplements. The possibilities are endless.

Oh wow, it's over and I'm not deaf...

3 comments:

Jon said...

Well, not bad for a first effort. I was a little concerned while reading that initial paragraph about euchre where you started talking about what you learned, but then after finishing I still learned nothing, so that worked out. And instead of giving Ben a hug I kicked him down the stairs. I'm reminded of the Simpsons of course.

Homer: Save a guy's life, and what do you get? Nothing! Worse than nothing! Just a big, scary rock!
Bart: Hey, don't knock the head, man.
Marge: Homer, you don't do things like that to be rewarded! The moral of the story is that a good deed is its own reward!
Bart: But we got a reward, the head is cool!
Marge: Well, then maybe the moral is, no good deed goes unrewarded.
Homer: Wait a minute! If I hadn't written that nasty letter we wouldn't have gotten anything.
Marge: Mmmm... then I guess the moral is, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Lisa: Maybe there is no moral, Mom.
Homer: Exactly! It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.
Marge: But it certainly was a memorable few days.
Homer: Amen to that.

Jon said...

And what's with freaking comment moderation? What do you think I'm going to start cursing or something? Geez. You can head over to my blog and swear all you want. Isn't that the whole point of the internet anyway?

Vanessa said...

I like your marriage expectations.