Quiet Calling

I have a lot of time alone when I work, so most days I have a lot of time to think and pray....In the quiet hours I spend in the kitchen, baking, cooking, organizing, cleaning....God quietly reveals His heart to me. I love those times. God, my cooking, and me. There's something about it which makes every thing I do seem so much more meaningful....with every fold of dough, every beat of the mixer, and every pie which slowly browns and caramelizes in the oven, I feel the Holy Spirit working in my heart. Today a woman came to pay her bill and told me how amazing the food was and that I must make it with a lot of love! She was sweet and excited, and I told her, "Well, I guess you could say that. I pray over it while I make it." And that is how I know I've found my calling. No matter where I work, how good the food is, or how fast it is rushed to their table, the only reason it is enjoyed is because God is always with me. We often pray God will be our hands, our feet, His words will come out of our mouths, our hearts will be ones after His own. When I work I can feel my hands doing His work and my feet walking those rooms to minister to the people hungry for more than a multiple course meal. I pray that no matter where God takes me in life I will always have the confidence that I'm exactly where He wants me to be. Where He's going to take me I have no clue. But that's okay.....I just keep cooking, praying, and waiting for Him to reveal Himself to me....and He never ceases to show up.

Removing the Anvil

I have, for many years, not been a person prone to crying. Most events like weddings, funerals, hurts, joys, pms, whatever, are things which make people produce this phenomenon of water bursting out of your eyeballs but for some reason, for many years, I wanted so badly to be able to cry but I just couldn't. Walls had been built up in my life, and even though crying doesn't change a situation or even make it better, it is a symbol of vulnerability which most don't want to show and I am one of those people. Building those walls wasn't just a matter of guarding my heart, it was a matter of making it unreachable. For a while I wouldn't even allow myself to cry by the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and pushing down that emotion made me feel like I was carrying a 5-ton anvil in my heart. I have even been proud of my hard heart at times, thinking it was a way of being tough, like the world just can't reach me! But I realized that having a hard heart only makes me more like the world, rather than someone the world cannot get to. Having a hard heart doesn't bring me closer to God, and neither does is make me more like God. All it does is makes me inpenetrable by the working of the Holy Spirit when He wants to work in me, and makes it harder for me to relate to others. One of the hardest things for me to do is approach someone and tell them why I feel a certain way, or tell them I'm upset, or share something which could possibly make me feel uncomfortable. But relationships are about being open and loving each other, no matter where you are coming from or what the past tells. In all my experiences not one of my true friends have ever rejected me because of my imperfection, and neither have I rejected them. Why? Because we are all imperfect and live in a fallen world where we are saved by grace and grace alone. One of the most powerful tools the devil uses against us is the fear of being truly known, and therefore makes us think it's okay to wear that facade of being perfectly okay. It's worse to be "perfectly okay" (because no one really is), than to be "not okay" and be honest with yourself and others. What does this have to do with crying? Crying is just one way to express emotion, and even though I know it doesn't change the situation, my tears have been a sign that God has been working and molding my heart. Maybe for you it's something different, but for me it's simply allowing myself to be open with Jesus, allowing myself be vulnerable....a scary place to be when you've been so guarded for so long, but the best place to be with the Savior who already knows why you're scared, what you're scared of, and is willing to take the anvil out of your heart. This is what He means by saying, "my burden is light"...because we give Him ours and we are suddenly free. To you, my dear friend and prayer partner, thank you for encouraging me to be open and honest....and my true self....you are a priceless treasure.

Sloth and Chunk

Have you ever seen The Goonies? I love that movie, I grew up watching it. My favorite person was Chunk, and I think it's because I could relate to him on a chubby level since I was a bit on the pudge side as a kid......I just thought he was really funny, doing the truffle-shuffle and always being hungry. Either way, I always liked the fact that Chunk befriended Sloth. Sloth wasn't much on the outside, just a big ogre-like guy with a crazy eyes and a big head with a little patch of hair on top, but under the layer of ugliness was a real gem. At the very end Sloth stands up under a crumbling wall to save all the characters in the movie and before Chunk goes through he says, "I love you Sloth!" and he of course yells back, "I wuv oo too Chunk!" You may be at a brink in life, a steep cliff is before you and you have to decide whether or not to jump. The situation may seem dim and look really ugly on the outside, and you may want to flee in the oposite direction thinking, "God I just can't handle this, it's too much and it's far too ugly for me to face!" Before you step back in fear and run away, consider what the result could be if you did take that plunge. Why would God put something in front of you which you can't overcome? After you look that ugly situation straight in the eye and say, "I will not be consumed by you, no, I will live and be the person God created me to be!" You may find that situation was exactly what you needed to discover exactly who God IS creating you to be. It's the ugly things we face which end up blessing us in the long run. And sometimes, overcoming means failing. God puts situations in front of us and sometimes when we fail, it's solely to reveal our need for God and the strength of our Father. So in the end of the movie Sloth saves all the kids by standing up under a crumbling wall of rocks. The rocks were heavy but he stood his ground because he knew he had to. Stand firm in your faith, and when the cliff finally starts to crumble around you you will find the strength to stand up under it. It could've been so easy for Sloth just to let all the rocks fall on them and be like, "Wow, I'm big but not big enough to hold this falling wall up!" but he still held up and in the end, after he stood the test, he found a new home and family. Oh, and Chunk's mom got them all pizza (Chunk's favorite, yesssss.....), and they also found a little bag of treasure which ended up saving their homes, creating a happy ending for all! God doesn't want us to be miserable, He just wants us to be strong in Him so we can be with Him forever. he want us to have our happy ending. God's plans always prevail, so if His plan is for us to be happy, we will be happy. And now, it's time for the truffle-shuffle of joy!

Not What It Seems

I went to the doctor today to have my knee checked....you see, I had a pretty bad fall last weekend down some cement stairs and man did it hurt! Not only do I have multiple bruises on my arms, legs, hip, even my finger, but I also had a humbled pride as well (I was also wearing a skirt so you can imagine my humiliation haha). Anyway my doctor asked me all sorts of questions about pain, what hurts, what doesn't, checked swelling, etc., and I had some x-rays done. But I have to be honest, my knee doesn't LOOK affected at all but was the most painful after the fall. She gave me some anti-inflammatory pills and said they'd call about the x-rays. Sometimes people are the same way, they look fine on the outside but on the inside they're screaming out in pain. All they need is a little relief, someone to talk to, someone to pray for them, something to make them feel better. A girl in youth group this past Monday looked just fine and happy but once I asked if she needed prayer for anything she went from an instant transition from "happy" to not being able to stop crying. Then again, Frankie and I made a friend at the Rite Aid by my apartment and we decided to stop in to see if he was working. On the outside it was just a friendly hello, but as we talked with our friend we found out he was a Christian and it ended up being a mini time of encouragement. I encourage you to look a little deeper. After the outside layer is peeled back and the facade broken down, you may find a deep hurt you can help heal, or a situation which needs prayer, maybe even a soul who needs saving.

Good Crops

I've been thinking about a particular section of scripture tonight. Isaiah 5:1-2, "I will sing for the one I love a song about his vineyard: My loved one had a vineyard on a fertile hillside. He dug it up and cleared it of stones and planted it with the choicest vines. He built a watchtower in it and cut out a winepress as well. Then he looked for a crop of good grapes, but it yielded only bad fruit."

Your life is cleaned, de-weeded (is that a word? haha), and cleared of stones by the Life Gardener. He knows exactly what you need and provides. He provides water, food, light, shade, protection from the enemy, and even provides your life with the things you need to fill into the lives of others. But when He comes searching for a crop will you have done anything with those things He's provided? It's so easy to be so happy with where you're at that it's not even contentment anymore....it turns into indifference, sometimes even laziness. PT talked about taking risks, and to stay on the ball sometimes we have to take chances. God takes a chance on us. Not that He NEEDS us, but He still uses us and by doing so truly takes a chance on giving us responsibilities which He is fully capable of doing Himself. Why does He do that? He knows we screw up all the time, and Heknows we are dreadfully prone to sin. But He uses us because, what purpose would we have in life if it weren't for the purpose of God? He knows we're nothing without Him, and we know it too. It seems kind of harsh but that's the reality of it. So allow God to not only tend to your vineyard but also take the same risk God takes on us....step out and use the gifts He's given so that your life will be overflowing with rivers of living water (or wine, whichever you prefer (::gasp:::you lush...haha)), so that God won't find a bad crop in the vineyard He's prepared for you.

When Nothing Satisfies

I have been saved for 18 years. I prayed with my mom when I was four years old, I still remember what it was like outside and the sound of my mom's voice as she led me to salvation. Looking back on my childhood I remember numerous times where my heart was overwhelmed with love for Jesus. I didn't know much about life or the depth of God, and I didn't have great knowledge about the Bible. But one thing remained the same from then until now as a 22-year-old woman, and that is the fulfillment I have found in Christ. When I was 4 I was innocent and naive, but all the better for I was able to receive with an open the heart without the world tainting my mind and thoughts. Now with the world pressing in every day I look back to those simple times and reflect on what the Lord has done. Life has changed, times have changed, I have changed, but God has not. When I need refreshing and nothing satisfies the longing in my heart for something more I remember the days of my childhood and therein remember the Love of my life, my first Love, the everlasting Father who will never change. So when nothing satisfies you, which nothing ever really will, look to God and He will close in on the longing in your heart. Then you'll have found or remembered what truly satisfies.

Speak Up!

Today at church we had a quiet time to sit and reflect on our lives, you know just a little time to pray and ask the Lord where we need change. Sometimes I feel kind of weird when we have these moments, not because I feel awkward with God or because I think I'm perfect but because I'm always close to laughing at the ridiculous things God reveals to me. They aren't ridiculous because I think I don't really need change but because God reveals things that are so obvious but we are so clueless! Haha! Well I realize about myself that I don't like verbalizing things. Certain things I do, sure, like, "It's Christmas!" or "My birthday's tomorrow!". But in life there are a lot of things that I feel if I say something, they really will be concrete.....I will be held accountable to my word and it scares me sometimes. I suppose it's a good thing because then I actually think about what I say before I say it, but then it can also hurt when something needs to be said and I don't say it. You know that book The Five Love Languages? Well I am pretty sure mine isn't words of affirmation because it's hard for me to believe people when they say things....I guess words have hurt me so much in the past that I've come to believe words are cheap and unless you follow your words with action it means nothing to me. Funny because I know I've lacked in action after words came out of my mouth. So, God showed me that, through the Holy Spirit, my words can offer life, they can give peace, and being held accountable is a horrible reason to not say anything. I love encountering these everyday or weekly lessons.....even when they're irritating because they show my humanity, I laugh and praise God for them!