Nothing-ness

In honor of my super annoying brother-in-law, I've decided to post a blog about nothing in particular. He yells at me for posting about things which end on a positive note and are encouraging/teaches some sort of lesson....I think he suggested writing with rage....rage....RAGE!!!

It's hard for me to write in rage because I'm never really mad, but I can tell you about the last time I was mad. I was playing euchre with my sister, Jon, Amy, and I have just learned the basics of the game so naturally I'm not very good. SO, after being totally lost and being told what cards to play the entire game by Andy I was getting tired of the game but couldn't stop till the entire round was over. In a moment of irrational irritation I lashed out at my beloved Frankie when he was trying to call me to say hi....So what did I learn through this? That when I am learning something new and don't understand it right away and don't catch on really super fast, I get really mad. I think it's probably a pride/insecurity issue so that's interesting...

I was also thinking about marriage the other day and what it'll be like. Frankie told me he expects me to cut his toenails, do thorough cleanings of the house every day using a toothbrush for detailed cleaning, cook at least 3 meals a day (with a minimum of 4 courses each), pluck his eyebrows, do all his laundry, birth at least 5 kids in the first 3 years of marriage, and paint self-portraits of him every year to hang in the hallways of our house. I also expect a lot from him though, I mean I expect at least one vacation a month to places like Hawaii, France, Italy, Spain, and Ireland, lots of expensive jewelry, a box of chocolates every Monday morning by my pillow, serenade me every night before bed, rub my feet at the end of every day, a back rub every other night, and a monthly allowance of $2,000 for clothing. I think we're off to a good start....;)

My dad makes the volume on the TV so loud I think I'll go deaf before this blog is over.

I think it's funny that they put instructions on a pill package telling you what to do with the pill. What else would you do with it? Do you pick up your pills and crush them up and use them for seasoning in your food? Here's a recipe for success: crush up some prozac and use it like a sandwich sprinkle or like you would salt. Salt is actually a food enhancer, it opens up your tastebuds to let in more flavor....it's the same concept, it's like salt, it just enhances your happy-factor. What else would you do with your pill besides swallow it? Let's see....you could use it to play finger football, you know where you make the triangle with paper? Or you could use colace pills in a muffin recipe...that's a tasty treat for someone you don't like very much! You could make a pretty collage out of vitamin supplements. The possibilities are endless.

Oh wow, it's over and I'm not deaf...

My Home Church

Bedford Christian Community has been my home church for 7 amazing years. I've gone through so many good and bad times, both challenging and sometimes grueling, but BCC has always been my place of refuge and encouragement through all of those times. I never had it stuck in my mind that I'd stay at the same church my whole life, simply because I never knew, or thought that I knew, what the future would hold or where God would take me. Well this past Sunday I spent the morning at Faith Christian Assembly, the church I will be going to after Frankie and I tie the knot in September! My heart feels so torn sometimes, when you're faced with a situation where you lose something you love but gain something you love in return, it's such a bittersweet thing. I can't express my joy about going to FCA; it's going to be an amazing time of growth and new challenges, which Frankie and I will face as a married couple and as a team as we lead the young adults ministry there. I look back and can't believe how all the things I've been involved in and been a part of at BCC have prepared me for this point, where I'll be helping in the same areas at Faith. Isn't it cool to look back and see how God has prepared us and we don't even realize it until the crossroad comes?

Just like we discussed in youth group last night that we're all a piece of the puzzle of God's plan, so is every talent and ability we possess, every issue we face, and every mountain and valley we experience throughout life. Whether it's a lifestyle change or a change of mindset, it's all a part of God's master puzzle for our life, and our one life is a little piece in the master puzzle of His plan. So I'm changing churches.....I'm blessed to say I've been a part of Bedford, and I thank Pastors Nate and Rick, Wendy and Beth, Vanessa, Lauren, and Mike and Pam Hardy, for the leadership they've shown and impact they've had on my life while I've been at BCC.

I know these next 7 months are going to fly by so I felt this on my heart tonight....I just wanted to share with all of you BCC-ers how much I love you and appreciate you! Ephesians 1:16 "I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers."

Provision

In the past month I've thought more about politics than I ever have, even more than the last presidential election. Last time I went to vote on November 2 (my birthday), and I was turning 21. I had asked my dad who he was going to vote for so I write it all down and voted like my dad! Haha, lame I know, but I trust my dad's opinion. But this time I've thought about the candidates and I won't say my stance because politics can get very emotional for some people.....all I know is it's got me thinking about our world today. We all know we're in the last days. It's obvious and all around us, someone was even talking about the economy and how our nation is well on its way to the next Great Depression. The more I thought about all these things the worse I felt, and was starting to feel really depressed. But as I read my Bible the other the day the Lord comforted me with these words:

"You still the hunger of those you cherish; their sons have plenty, and they store up wealth for their children. And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness." ~Psalm 17:14b-15

All I can say is that I am so grateful to have my faith in Christ to fall back on! No matter what happens, whether the U.S. falls into another depression or not God will always provide for His children. And either way, we can wake up every day and be satisfied with looking around and seeing God's likeness in the world around us and the provision He brings.

Joys of the Past

It is a new year! It's only the second week in January and time has flown by. Getting engaged over Christmas was definitely the highlight of the past few weeks, and already the planning has begun. We booked Nazareth Hall for the ceremony and reception, we've also booked the photographer, the florist, we've bought my dress and chosen the bridesmaid dresses. I feel like time is going so fast. I realized today that this Christmas was my last Christmas at home.....and even that is not really fair to say since I've been living in an apartment since September. As I was taking Christmas ornaments down, putting away the nativity, rolling up the lights, I felt really sentimental about my family's tree. It's totally hodge podge, with huge colored lights and a gaudy star which lights up and changes colors. But that's what I grew up with, and I wouldn't want it any other way!

Four of us kids have grown up in this house, switched rooms numerous times, been homeschooled, learned how to play baseball in the front yard and basketball in the driveway, practiced serves for volleyball against the garage door, learned how to swim in the pool which sadly died a few years back, and I will never forget when we bought the swingset, which still stands strong in the back yard. Four family pets have come and gone, grandkids have found their footing in these rooms, and old pictures reflect the change of styles this home has had over the years. I've been thinking about how times change and how different we were all ten years ago. I used to ask my mom, "Mom, how do I know when God speaks to me?" I would agonize over this issue, even cry at times, longing for God to speak to me, that an audible voice would come and fill my yearning. Though I understand now what it's like when God speaks to me, thinking about how I used to agonize over it when I was young reminded me that no matter how old we get, those questions from long ago are evidence of the thirst only God can fill. Though I don't ask those questions anymore, no person or thing can ever fill what God is only suited for. No matter how much in love you are or how dedicated to your job, or how excited you are about the future, God is ultimately the only one thing you will find true and pure life in. You will find that even in your most joyful times, if your life isn't centered on Christ, you won't feel it like God wants you to. Let's keep Him in the center, and in doing so experience true joy!!

Isaiah 55:12 "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."

My Favorite Christmas Gift of 2007

This weekend was my extended family's Christmas and I have come to find that the annoying dynamics of my family are also the ones which make me love them so much. Last night was all the prep work for today, we baked, made sleeping arrangements at my parents' house, bought last minute groceries and supplies, wrapped presents.....all that good stuff. Well as I mentioned before there are things about my family which annoy me sometimes like saying breakfast is going to be at 10:30 and then we don't even sit down till 11:30, my sisters following me around wherever I go while being loud and obnoxious, and also being ultra dramatic about where everyone will sleep. So anyway Frankie has never seen this side of my family before, naturally, since this is our first Christmas together. Who would ever imagine deciding where everyone would sleep would be such a huge deal? Satya says, "Oh my gosh! Where are we all going to sleep, I mean Ben needs a bed, Libby needs a bed, the girls, Jon and me, Frankie....we all have to sleep somewhere!!!" OH HORRORS!!! I usually get irritated at this unnecessary drama but seeing Frankie's humorous reaction to the whole thing made me realize just how funny it really is! Being someone who loves to laugh I wholeheartedly rid myself of all irritation. So as we were sitting down to dinner tonight I looked around the table at my dear family and felt a wave of emotion come over me. I love my family so much, and thinking of the fact that God brings us all together in such a unique and wonderful way makes me so grateful. We always talk about the church being the "body" and that we all work together as one vessel. I think we often forget the smaller part of being one "body", our own families. My family is made up of an array of different backgrounds and beliefs. My grandparents are Mennonite, my Uncle a Quaker, my Aunt is Methodist and her husband not religious at all. My brother-in-law is searching for answers and the rest of us are Pentecostals. All raised in different eras and times, old-school and new, quiet and loud, irritable and tolerant, such a variety of personalities and backgrounds! Thinking about this made it so much cooler to know my family still loves each other, builds each other up as one unit, and that God has an ultimate plan. I'm glad Frankie laughed, otherwise I may not have recognized this till later down the road. So from that one little act of finding humor in the silly things God gave me such a sweet and lovely gift this Christmas about my family. Thanks for the gift, Lord, it's my favorite!!

Are You Serious?

Serious:
1.of, showing, or characterized by deep thought.
2.of grave or somber disposition, character, or manner
3.being in earnest; sincere; not trifling
4.requiring thought, concentration, or application
5.weighty or important
6.giving cause for apprehension; critical

I looked up the meanings for the word serious because someone asked me a question the other day about how serious I was about something. Actually they asked me how serious my boyfriend Frankie and I are and I said, "Very, very serious....we never smile...." Not really, we laugh all the time actually but it got me thinking about "serious". I love to laugh so sometimes I have a hard time taking things seriously. The definition I thought about was number 6, giving cause for apprehension. Sometimes apprehension is what saves us from ourselves. I've felt myself holding back in situations and I strongly feel the Holy Spirit has used apprehension in my life to tell me something wasn't right for me. When that disquiet moves on my spirit I know it is a "serious" matter, something worth thinking about, then I allow my apprehension to help me slow down. So, just some random thinking, next time you feel trepidation over something don't let let it panic you, just let it show you it's something you need to slow down and think about.

Desperate

I've been doing a lot of thinking about being desperate for God. How desperate are we? We sing songs at church about being desperate for Him, longing for more of Him, and panting for Him like a deer pants for water, but do we truly go to the depth of that longing? Or is it just a lyric we say to make ourselves believe we are? The other day as I was driving home from work I saw a deer struggling along a fence....literally beating itself to death trying to jump over this fence, the fence was just too high, and the scene created a traffic jam so I had a minute to see what exactly was happening. At one point the deer jumped into the fence and fell backwards onto it's hind side and just laid there for minute, panting, then it got back up and kept jumping....it had a bleeding gash on it's shoulder and was bleeding from its eye and mouth as well because it was trying to hard to get over the fence to the woods where it knew it belonged. I thought about this deer when I thought about our "desperation".....are we as desperate as that deer was? We should be. I think what happens is that before people are saved they see over that fence, they see the place they need to be with Christ and will do anything, even to the point of pain and anguish, to get there for the sake of knowing God. But after we get over that fence and find our salvation, that desperation is still a necessity to our growth in Christ. It's the longing which pushes us further into the woods, further into the lands and valleys and mountains which mature us and make us realize that no matter how far we go there is ALWAYS something more to learn about God, there is always another treasure to find in Jesus, another story to find, other lives to touch. Desperation for Jesus isn't something which only pushes us to our salvation but pushes us to find the actual heart of God! Not too much later that evening I went running down that same road and all was back to normal, as it should be. Life changes by the minute my friends, and without our longing and desperate pursuit of the Lord the experiences we may face one day will not make a difference the next. But it's our choice. Let your longing push you further into Father God's heart, allow your passion for Him make a difference...let it change your life.