Joys of the Past

It is a new year! It's only the second week in January and time has flown by. Getting engaged over Christmas was definitely the highlight of the past few weeks, and already the planning has begun. We booked Nazareth Hall for the ceremony and reception, we've also booked the photographer, the florist, we've bought my dress and chosen the bridesmaid dresses. I feel like time is going so fast. I realized today that this Christmas was my last Christmas at home.....and even that is not really fair to say since I've been living in an apartment since September. As I was taking Christmas ornaments down, putting away the nativity, rolling up the lights, I felt really sentimental about my family's tree. It's totally hodge podge, with huge colored lights and a gaudy star which lights up and changes colors. But that's what I grew up with, and I wouldn't want it any other way!

Four of us kids have grown up in this house, switched rooms numerous times, been homeschooled, learned how to play baseball in the front yard and basketball in the driveway, practiced serves for volleyball against the garage door, learned how to swim in the pool which sadly died a few years back, and I will never forget when we bought the swingset, which still stands strong in the back yard. Four family pets have come and gone, grandkids have found their footing in these rooms, and old pictures reflect the change of styles this home has had over the years. I've been thinking about how times change and how different we were all ten years ago. I used to ask my mom, "Mom, how do I know when God speaks to me?" I would agonize over this issue, even cry at times, longing for God to speak to me, that an audible voice would come and fill my yearning. Though I understand now what it's like when God speaks to me, thinking about how I used to agonize over it when I was young reminded me that no matter how old we get, those questions from long ago are evidence of the thirst only God can fill. Though I don't ask those questions anymore, no person or thing can ever fill what God is only suited for. No matter how much in love you are or how dedicated to your job, or how excited you are about the future, God is ultimately the only one thing you will find true and pure life in. You will find that even in your most joyful times, if your life isn't centered on Christ, you won't feel it like God wants you to. Let's keep Him in the center, and in doing so experience true joy!!

Isaiah 55:12 "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."

My Favorite Christmas Gift of 2007

This weekend was my extended family's Christmas and I have come to find that the annoying dynamics of my family are also the ones which make me love them so much. Last night was all the prep work for today, we baked, made sleeping arrangements at my parents' house, bought last minute groceries and supplies, wrapped presents.....all that good stuff. Well as I mentioned before there are things about my family which annoy me sometimes like saying breakfast is going to be at 10:30 and then we don't even sit down till 11:30, my sisters following me around wherever I go while being loud and obnoxious, and also being ultra dramatic about where everyone will sleep. So anyway Frankie has never seen this side of my family before, naturally, since this is our first Christmas together. Who would ever imagine deciding where everyone would sleep would be such a huge deal? Satya says, "Oh my gosh! Where are we all going to sleep, I mean Ben needs a bed, Libby needs a bed, the girls, Jon and me, Frankie....we all have to sleep somewhere!!!" OH HORRORS!!! I usually get irritated at this unnecessary drama but seeing Frankie's humorous reaction to the whole thing made me realize just how funny it really is! Being someone who loves to laugh I wholeheartedly rid myself of all irritation. So as we were sitting down to dinner tonight I looked around the table at my dear family and felt a wave of emotion come over me. I love my family so much, and thinking of the fact that God brings us all together in such a unique and wonderful way makes me so grateful. We always talk about the church being the "body" and that we all work together as one vessel. I think we often forget the smaller part of being one "body", our own families. My family is made up of an array of different backgrounds and beliefs. My grandparents are Mennonite, my Uncle a Quaker, my Aunt is Methodist and her husband not religious at all. My brother-in-law is searching for answers and the rest of us are Pentecostals. All raised in different eras and times, old-school and new, quiet and loud, irritable and tolerant, such a variety of personalities and backgrounds! Thinking about this made it so much cooler to know my family still loves each other, builds each other up as one unit, and that God has an ultimate plan. I'm glad Frankie laughed, otherwise I may not have recognized this till later down the road. So from that one little act of finding humor in the silly things God gave me such a sweet and lovely gift this Christmas about my family. Thanks for the gift, Lord, it's my favorite!!

Are You Serious?

Serious:
1.of, showing, or characterized by deep thought.
2.of grave or somber disposition, character, or manner
3.being in earnest; sincere; not trifling
4.requiring thought, concentration, or application
5.weighty or important
6.giving cause for apprehension; critical

I looked up the meanings for the word serious because someone asked me a question the other day about how serious I was about something. Actually they asked me how serious my boyfriend Frankie and I are and I said, "Very, very serious....we never smile...." Not really, we laugh all the time actually but it got me thinking about "serious". I love to laugh so sometimes I have a hard time taking things seriously. The definition I thought about was number 6, giving cause for apprehension. Sometimes apprehension is what saves us from ourselves. I've felt myself holding back in situations and I strongly feel the Holy Spirit has used apprehension in my life to tell me something wasn't right for me. When that disquiet moves on my spirit I know it is a "serious" matter, something worth thinking about, then I allow my apprehension to help me slow down. So, just some random thinking, next time you feel trepidation over something don't let let it panic you, just let it show you it's something you need to slow down and think about.

Desperate

I've been doing a lot of thinking about being desperate for God. How desperate are we? We sing songs at church about being desperate for Him, longing for more of Him, and panting for Him like a deer pants for water, but do we truly go to the depth of that longing? Or is it just a lyric we say to make ourselves believe we are? The other day as I was driving home from work I saw a deer struggling along a fence....literally beating itself to death trying to jump over this fence, the fence was just too high, and the scene created a traffic jam so I had a minute to see what exactly was happening. At one point the deer jumped into the fence and fell backwards onto it's hind side and just laid there for minute, panting, then it got back up and kept jumping....it had a bleeding gash on it's shoulder and was bleeding from its eye and mouth as well because it was trying to hard to get over the fence to the woods where it knew it belonged. I thought about this deer when I thought about our "desperation".....are we as desperate as that deer was? We should be. I think what happens is that before people are saved they see over that fence, they see the place they need to be with Christ and will do anything, even to the point of pain and anguish, to get there for the sake of knowing God. But after we get over that fence and find our salvation, that desperation is still a necessity to our growth in Christ. It's the longing which pushes us further into the woods, further into the lands and valleys and mountains which mature us and make us realize that no matter how far we go there is ALWAYS something more to learn about God, there is always another treasure to find in Jesus, another story to find, other lives to touch. Desperation for Jesus isn't something which only pushes us to our salvation but pushes us to find the actual heart of God! Not too much later that evening I went running down that same road and all was back to normal, as it should be. Life changes by the minute my friends, and without our longing and desperate pursuit of the Lord the experiences we may face one day will not make a difference the next. But it's our choice. Let your longing push you further into Father God's heart, allow your passion for Him make a difference...let it change your life.

Quiet Calling

I have a lot of time alone when I work, so most days I have a lot of time to think and pray....In the quiet hours I spend in the kitchen, baking, cooking, organizing, cleaning....God quietly reveals His heart to me. I love those times. God, my cooking, and me. There's something about it which makes every thing I do seem so much more meaningful....with every fold of dough, every beat of the mixer, and every pie which slowly browns and caramelizes in the oven, I feel the Holy Spirit working in my heart. Today a woman came to pay her bill and told me how amazing the food was and that I must make it with a lot of love! She was sweet and excited, and I told her, "Well, I guess you could say that. I pray over it while I make it." And that is how I know I've found my calling. No matter where I work, how good the food is, or how fast it is rushed to their table, the only reason it is enjoyed is because God is always with me. We often pray God will be our hands, our feet, His words will come out of our mouths, our hearts will be ones after His own. When I work I can feel my hands doing His work and my feet walking those rooms to minister to the people hungry for more than a multiple course meal. I pray that no matter where God takes me in life I will always have the confidence that I'm exactly where He wants me to be. Where He's going to take me I have no clue. But that's okay.....I just keep cooking, praying, and waiting for Him to reveal Himself to me....and He never ceases to show up.

Removing the Anvil

I have, for many years, not been a person prone to crying. Most events like weddings, funerals, hurts, joys, pms, whatever, are things which make people produce this phenomenon of water bursting out of your eyeballs but for some reason, for many years, I wanted so badly to be able to cry but I just couldn't. Walls had been built up in my life, and even though crying doesn't change a situation or even make it better, it is a symbol of vulnerability which most don't want to show and I am one of those people. Building those walls wasn't just a matter of guarding my heart, it was a matter of making it unreachable. For a while I wouldn't even allow myself to cry by the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and pushing down that emotion made me feel like I was carrying a 5-ton anvil in my heart. I have even been proud of my hard heart at times, thinking it was a way of being tough, like the world just can't reach me! But I realized that having a hard heart only makes me more like the world, rather than someone the world cannot get to. Having a hard heart doesn't bring me closer to God, and neither does is make me more like God. All it does is makes me inpenetrable by the working of the Holy Spirit when He wants to work in me, and makes it harder for me to relate to others. One of the hardest things for me to do is approach someone and tell them why I feel a certain way, or tell them I'm upset, or share something which could possibly make me feel uncomfortable. But relationships are about being open and loving each other, no matter where you are coming from or what the past tells. In all my experiences not one of my true friends have ever rejected me because of my imperfection, and neither have I rejected them. Why? Because we are all imperfect and live in a fallen world where we are saved by grace and grace alone. One of the most powerful tools the devil uses against us is the fear of being truly known, and therefore makes us think it's okay to wear that facade of being perfectly okay. It's worse to be "perfectly okay" (because no one really is), than to be "not okay" and be honest with yourself and others. What does this have to do with crying? Crying is just one way to express emotion, and even though I know it doesn't change the situation, my tears have been a sign that God has been working and molding my heart. Maybe for you it's something different, but for me it's simply allowing myself to be open with Jesus, allowing myself be vulnerable....a scary place to be when you've been so guarded for so long, but the best place to be with the Savior who already knows why you're scared, what you're scared of, and is willing to take the anvil out of your heart. This is what He means by saying, "my burden is light"...because we give Him ours and we are suddenly free. To you, my dear friend and prayer partner, thank you for encouraging me to be open and honest....and my true self....you are a priceless treasure.

Sloth and Chunk

Have you ever seen The Goonies? I love that movie, I grew up watching it. My favorite person was Chunk, and I think it's because I could relate to him on a chubby level since I was a bit on the pudge side as a kid......I just thought he was really funny, doing the truffle-shuffle and always being hungry. Either way, I always liked the fact that Chunk befriended Sloth. Sloth wasn't much on the outside, just a big ogre-like guy with a crazy eyes and a big head with a little patch of hair on top, but under the layer of ugliness was a real gem. At the very end Sloth stands up under a crumbling wall to save all the characters in the movie and before Chunk goes through he says, "I love you Sloth!" and he of course yells back, "I wuv oo too Chunk!" You may be at a brink in life, a steep cliff is before you and you have to decide whether or not to jump. The situation may seem dim and look really ugly on the outside, and you may want to flee in the oposite direction thinking, "God I just can't handle this, it's too much and it's far too ugly for me to face!" Before you step back in fear and run away, consider what the result could be if you did take that plunge. Why would God put something in front of you which you can't overcome? After you look that ugly situation straight in the eye and say, "I will not be consumed by you, no, I will live and be the person God created me to be!" You may find that situation was exactly what you needed to discover exactly who God IS creating you to be. It's the ugly things we face which end up blessing us in the long run. And sometimes, overcoming means failing. God puts situations in front of us and sometimes when we fail, it's solely to reveal our need for God and the strength of our Father. So in the end of the movie Sloth saves all the kids by standing up under a crumbling wall of rocks. The rocks were heavy but he stood his ground because he knew he had to. Stand firm in your faith, and when the cliff finally starts to crumble around you you will find the strength to stand up under it. It could've been so easy for Sloth just to let all the rocks fall on them and be like, "Wow, I'm big but not big enough to hold this falling wall up!" but he still held up and in the end, after he stood the test, he found a new home and family. Oh, and Chunk's mom got them all pizza (Chunk's favorite, yesssss.....), and they also found a little bag of treasure which ended up saving their homes, creating a happy ending for all! God doesn't want us to be miserable, He just wants us to be strong in Him so we can be with Him forever. he want us to have our happy ending. God's plans always prevail, so if His plan is for us to be happy, we will be happy. And now, it's time for the truffle-shuffle of joy!