Sugar the Flying Mexican

Top 10 and 5 New laws

2008-11-05T05:49:00.000-08:00

Right now Frankie and I are still taking tabs on our front gate at the apartment. Since I last wrote the gate has been smashed in three more times.....twice to the "in" gate and once to the "out" gate...so much for "gated community". And security for that matter, although Southgate is not a bad city to live in. But yeah, I always see people fly through the open gates and a lot of times going "out" through the "in" gate because the "in" is ripped off the hinges and it's too slow to stop at the "out" gate to let it open for you....I just love living in Michigan; not only are the colors on the trees amazing in the fall but all the cars blend in with the blur of colors because they're all driving so fast.

So here are my top 10 thoughts on marriage thus far:

1. Sharing a bed with someone is harder to adjust to than I thought. I accidentally hit him in the face sometimes.
2. Sharing the remote isn't always as annoying as people let on....it's all about give and take people.
3. I like cooking at home better than at work because the menu changes every night.
4. I love living with my best friend.....we laugh all the time.
5. Being in the ministry as a married couple is one of the best experiences of my life so far.
6. Having kids is a scary thought after doing laundry for two people, let alone three or four.
7. It's interesting to see how our strengths help the others' weaknesses (like me forgetting everything, not being able to find anything, and not being really emotional, whereas Frankie remembers everything, can find anything, and isn't afraid to show emotion.....I'm more like a guy in some of my habits....worse than Frankie, actually.....sad.....he is even tidier than me!!! He's amazing. :))
8. It's easier to play pranks on someone you know so well
9. I can hide homies in his car without suspicion because it doesn't look like I'm going out of my way to do something unordinary.
10. We can "game" together on our DS systems.

Now totally different subject, now that Obama is in office I think I will go back to school and become a politician so I can be the first Mexican president. And first woman president. Then I will make laws such as the following:

1. There must be homie dispensers at every store.
2. Authentic tortillas, beans, and rice are to be served at every restaurant no matter what kind of restaurant it is.
3. The white house will be painted red, white and green and will be called the Latina Caliente House.
4. Fiestas are to occur every Friday night followed by a long siesta and then we will all eat a cannoli.
5. And finally, we will not drive cars anymore but ride donkeys to prevent pollution.

I mean, if we can elect B. Hussein Osama into office then why not me? You have to admit, it would be fun....

Cuando the Kitty and Scary Things

2008-10-08T04:30:00.000-07:00

I'm staring out the window this dreary fall morning and I'm noticing that the pavement is all wet. I love the fall, and believe it or not, I even love the rainy fall mornings too. This is my favorite time of year....all the stores have the bright, autumn colors like red, orange, yellow, brown, burgandy, purple....and even though we don't celebrate holloween I still love all the funny decorations. I was at the store the other day and as I passed on of those holloween skeletons (you know, the ones everyone knows makes noises when you pass it), it started making it's evil laugh and I screamed bloody murder in the middle of the store.....that was cute. It scared me....a lot. And I like scary movies too, so I can handle freaky movies without nightmares but I can't handle fake skeletons at a craft store.

If I had a cat I think I could totally be a full time house wife. I love keeping up my place and making dinner....making sure the dishes are done and the laundry folded. Maybe I'm still in the dillusional state of newlywed-ness, but I've never had huge ambitions to be a world reknown chef.....being a support to my husband and homemaker, and someday a mom, has always kind of been what I look forward to. And I've always known God would use me mightily in that way and that I would truly find joy in it. But there comes a certain lonliness with being home alone all day when you don't work full weeks. So if I had a cat, it would be great. If I had a cat I would name it Cuando, and I would say, "Cuando! Commere, kitty! Mommy's gonna feed you!" And then we'd play with flashlight beams and strings, then we'd cuddle on the couch together while watching What Not to Wear on TLC. I'm just messing around, I think life would get depressing like that after a while, even with a cat...haha. I really do love being a homemaker though. :)

Gated Community

2008-10-05T07:12:00.001-07:00

So the apartments we live in is a "gated community", which means that there's a gate which you can only get through if you have the code or a key. But let me ask you this, what is the point if people whip through it all the time, tearing the gate off it's hinges? This has happend twice since we moved in, and even though they replace it, it still happens over again. We're going to keep a tab on how many times it happens while we live here. I mean now that we're married and we live together, our time isn't spent thinking about each other non stop so we have other things to think about....like gates being ripped off, leaving us unprotected and vulnerable to the misfits of ghetto community, known as Detroit. But as long as I have a glass bottle to break against the wall we're ok, cuz then my Mexican will come out and defend my keep. Not really. We actually live in Southgate and it's not scary here, although I did go to a gas station the other day and was worried I would get attacked since I'm not in Sylvania anymore. I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz....."I don't think we're in Sylvania anymore, Toto...." No, Toto, we're in the Ghet-To.

Married Life

2008-10-02T03:46:00.001-07:00

Well I am the world's biggest blog loser....it's not like I've had anything interesting happening in my life lately that I couldn't blog! I mean geesh!

The wedding is over, the honeymoon is over, but the chaos is not over! But somehow within that blur of activity I've found my piece of heaven in every day. Life is constantly changing, just like the leaves are beginning to burst with a few spashes of color, and I'm beginning to adjust to the change married life brings. The thing that gets me through is asking Jesus to be my everything, everyday. Only then have I been able to truly find joy in having my own home to make, a husband to care for, and a job to work, a ministry to build.

Last night was our first night as Step-Up (our young adults group at church) leaders together. It was such a great time and I just love this group of young adults! We played mafia (a game about killing people and accusing people....perfect for church), and spent some real time in the Word. Afterwards we went to Applebees for half off appetizers with a couple Step Up-ers.....which is what I love so much, ministering on a small and personal basis. Another amazing thing about married life, that Frankie and I can minister together as a team. :)

All in all, life throws a lot of changes no matter how ready you feel or how not ready you feel. But God is that saving grace; He is always reminding you that the change is for the good, for if we never saw change then our lives would never touch another's.

Love to you all,
Libby Julian :)

Bloggity Blog Blog

2008-06-03T06:58:00.001-07:00

Wow it has been a while, hasn't it? At least I can say life hasn't been boring, it's just been busy! In fact there's been a lot I could blog about....for instance, when someone at work says, "Oh crap...." when a certain regular customer is coming to tea, that's not the ideal response, right? So I've had a lot of attitude blogs come and go through my mind. We also decided to only speak Wookie in the kitchen at work, so if someone comes in and asks, "Can I have another plate of scones? I need five..." while there's only four sitting on the tray, instead of being obviously annoyed with words, just yell out, "grujdghrggrrr!" they'll never know what you said so you won't be in trouble for saying anything bad. So I've had some humorous blogs come and go through my mind as well.

I think the biggest thing I'm experiencing right now though is stress; yes, in fact, if you just look at my face you'll notice. Just typical signs, like baggy eyes, glazed eye balls, hair everywhere, a constant large zit (or multiple ones.....dang....) lingering on my face, it just changes spots on a weekly basis, a quiet aura (or is that gas? I don't know..)..... Thankfully, amongst the craziness of life God still keeps Himself real to me. I relate to the apostles in Acts 4:23-31. They were in trouble and were frightened but instead of panicking in fear they prayed. And what gets me is that they didn't pray for deliverance, they prayed for boldness to continue preaching the good news! It is astonishing. A lot of times we pray for God to take our trials away, like if this one thing would be gone life would be just ducky. But I realized when I read this that praying away our problems doesn't benefit us one bit....we HAVE to go through things to let God be glorified. And you know what happened when they prayed? God shook that place, literally, and they did indeed speak with much boldness! Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." This is the reward of calling on God in faith because he DOES reveal Himself, and more! He will shake you, and give you boldness. Not only does He reveal Himself, but the unsearchable things we don't know, which of course only God Himself knows what those things are, but that's why it's so cool because if it's a secret of God it's got to be good!!

I've also come to accept the fact that the birds at my house insist on using my car as a port-a-potty and there's nothing I can do about it. I should probably take my car in and get it washed but the combination of not feeling like spending the extra cash and being lazy really cuts into that plan. So if you see me driving by with tiny rusty spots all over my car in a year, it's because the bird poop ate away at the paint and left me with a "new" car.

Dry Bones

2008-03-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

This week my family and I are in Alabama on vacation. We're right on the beach in a gorgeous penthouse condo overlooking the ocean. I've had some precious time with God on this trip, appreciating the beautiful creation around me. We've watched a few movies while we've been here, "Bordertown" and "The Last Sin Eater". Both movies are very different from each other but similar in point. There is a truth out there that people are starving for, in a world full of evil a deceit people are walking with the veil over their eyes. After watching these movies I felt so sad but comforted. Sad because our world is so evil, but comforted because of the truth that sets us free.....it's just a matter of spreading that truth for all to know and receive. I conveniently came upon Ezekiel 37 in my reading, the valley of dry bones. God blew life into those bones, bringing them to life through Ezekiel. Ezekiel is us, and God is waiting to use us if we will just listen and obey. I'm leaving for Haiti in 4 days, and the anticipation is growing. I want to be God's tool, to bring truth into the wanting hearts and breath life into dead souls. Even if it's just touching one or two lives, I know God will be using me to do His will. I can't wait!

Billy Blanks and Tamilee Webb are cooler than Hillary Clinton

2008-03-04T14:23:00.000-08:00

I went and voted today. It was thrilling. I think there were about 5 other people in there at the same time as me, I'm hoping more went to the poles to vote after work! I hate presidential elections...I mean I'm grateful we get to choose our leader, but I hate it because none of the candidates are ever going to be perfectly aligned with what we want. All I know is that I never want to see Hillary Clinton in office, she is a crazy woman and is evil....just look at her pictures, she has this creepy little smirk on her face all the time!!

And I'm certainly ready for some warmer weather and sunnier days; this grayness is starting to take its toll on me. I woke up this morning and laid in bed for about 30 minutes doing nothing....and then progressed into my day with some excercise (You would think Tamilee Webb would be old by now...in the 80's she was thriving in her spandex underwear and beige hose with those white, scrunched socks.....I was surprised to see a recent workout video she did a couple years back....she is still a stick and looks like she's 20.....what is that all about?), then some laundry and cleaning in the house, and then did some shopping for work and voted. I got home and my mom gently reminded me that we have a tea house meeting tonight where I snapped, "I know....." with that punky little attitude I get sometimes. It was at this point that I realized I'm not just ready for a change of weather but a change of life in general.

I'm sick of just living the mundane, plugging away through every day just to get to the next. I'm worried that on the missions trip I'll be working every day just to get closer to getting back home, where I feel the same way only I don't know where I'm working towards. Does this make any sense? I start wishing I had some certain calling, like how people feel when they're called to the ministry or to be a singer or an interpretive dancer...hahaha....okay maybe not the dancer, but you get the idea. I know, I know.....I'm called to be a chef. I know it's my calling. But I sometimes feel like it's not enough.....like I'm missing out on something. Will I do it forever? I don't know. Which makes me wonder, should I go back to school for something else, just in case? Ugh. It disgusts me sometimes. It disgusts me that I'm so unable to focus on where God has me now and live every day FOR that day, and enjoy it, and not just to get to the next day.

On a lighter note, today during my workout (Tae Bo rocks...haha) Billy Blanks said, "Now, you're stinky, hairy leg should always be bent!" I started laughing and was like, "what?" Silly me, he said, "Your stationary leg should always be bent." I think he's cool. And Tamilee. I like them better than Hillary.

Feed Me!!

2008-02-26T07:57:00.000-08:00

We can all relate to being hungry. The other day I was so hungry I felt like I could eat a cow....I was working all day and even though I'm around food non-stop I never really feel like eating it. So I hadn't eaten anything. Frankie and I went to Red Robin that night and I seriously downed my entire burger....I'm not sure I've ever done that at Red Robin, I mean those burgers are big! It was funny, Frankie ordered a salad and the waiter who brought us our food naturally thought I ordered the salad, and Frankie the burger....that's a good way to make a girl feel like a heifer, haha!......

Anyway, I was really happy to get food. Eating is so much better when you're famished. But not everyone can just eat when they're hungry.....when I go to Haiti in March I believe I'll be seeing a lot of that kind of poverty. Worse than physical poverty is spiritual poverty. Lamentations 4:4 says, "Because of thirst the infant's tongue sticks to the rood of its mouth; the children beg for bread, but no one gives it to them." New believers are at such a risk of this, not being fed spiritually and even if they beg for that spiritual food the mature believers are so consumed in their own growth that they go unnoticed. One of my great fears is that I will overlook the needs of another believer because of my own. Doesn't the Bible say to put others before ourselves? It's even a common thing for grown believers who once believed crave something more, and because of their own intellect find themselves in dire need of some sort of spiritual fulfillment, but are looking into their own minds rather than the truth of God's love. Their tongues stick to the roof of their mouths and they crave bread, something to fill their empty stomachs, but nothing can really satisfy that emptiness except the real deal......it's like drinking pop instead of water, you can take in all you want but it only makes your thirst worse. Those tricky pop companies!!

Nothing-ness

2008-02-13T14:47:00.000-08:00

In honor of my super annoying brother-in-law, I've decided to post a blog about nothing in particular. He yells at me for posting about things which end on a positive note and are encouraging/teaches some sort of lesson....I think he suggested writing with rage....rage....RAGE!!!

It's hard for me to write in rage because I'm never really mad, but I can tell you about the last time I was mad. I was playing euchre with my sister, Jon, Amy, and I have just learned the basics of the game so naturally I'm not very good. SO, after being totally lost and being told what cards to play the entire game by Andy I was getting tired of the game but couldn't stop till the entire round was over. In a moment of irrational irritation I lashed out at my beloved Frankie when he was trying to call me to say hi....So what did I learn through this? That when I am learning something new and don't understand it right away and don't catch on really super fast, I get really mad. I think it's probably a pride/insecurity issue so that's interesting...

I was also thinking about marriage the other day and what it'll be like. Frankie told me he expects me to cut his toenails, do thorough cleanings of the house every day using a toothbrush for detailed cleaning, cook at least 3 meals a day (with a minimum of 4 courses each), pluck his eyebrows, do all his laundry, birth at least 5 kids in the first 3 years of marriage, and paint self-portraits of him every year to hang in the hallways of our house. I also expect a lot from him though, I mean I expect at least one vacation a month to places like Hawaii, France, Italy, Spain, and Ireland, lots of expensive jewelry, a box of chocolates every Monday morning by my pillow, serenade me every night before bed, rub my feet at the end of every day, a back rub every other night, and a monthly allowance of $2,000 for clothing. I think we're off to a good start....;)

My dad makes the volume on the TV so loud I think I'll go deaf before this blog is over.

I think it's funny that they put instructions on a pill package telling you what to do with the pill. What else would you do with it? Do you pick up your pills and crush them up and use them for seasoning in your food? Here's a recipe for success: crush up some prozac and use it like a sandwich sprinkle or like you would salt. Salt is actually a food enhancer, it opens up your tastebuds to let in more flavor....it's the same concept, it's like salt, it just enhances your happy-factor. What else would you do with your pill besides swallow it? Let's see....you could use it to play finger football, you know where you make the triangle with paper? Or you could use colace pills in a muffin recipe...that's a tasty treat for someone you don't like very much! You could make a pretty collage out of vitamin supplements. The possibilities are endless.

Oh wow, it's over and I'm not deaf...

My Home Church

2008-02-12T15:24:00.000-08:00

Bedford Christian Community has been my home church for 7 amazing years. I've gone through so many good and bad times, both challenging and sometimes grueling, but BCC has always been my place of refuge and encouragement through all of those times. I never had it stuck in my mind that I'd stay at the same church my whole life, simply because I never knew, or thought that I knew, what the future would hold or where God would take me. Well this past Sunday I spent the morning at Faith Christian Assembly, the church I will be going to after Frankie and I tie the knot in September! My heart feels so torn sometimes, when you're faced with a situation where you lose something you love but gain something you love in return, it's such a bittersweet thing. I can't express my joy about going to FCA; it's going to be an amazing time of growth and new challenges, which Frankie and I will face as a married couple and as a team as we lead the young adults ministry there. I look back and can't believe how all the things I've been involved in and been a part of at BCC have prepared me for this point, where I'll be helping in the same areas at Faith. Isn't it cool to look back and see how God has prepared us and we don't even realize it until the crossroad comes?

Just like we discussed in youth group last night that we're all a piece of the puzzle of God's plan, so is every talent and ability we possess, every issue we face, and every mountain and valley we experience throughout life. Whether it's a lifestyle change or a change of mindset, it's all a part of God's master puzzle for our life, and our one life is a little piece in the master puzzle of His plan. So I'm changing churches.....I'm blessed to say I've been a part of Bedford, and I thank Pastors Nate and Rick, Wendy and Beth, Vanessa, Lauren, and Mike and Pam Hardy, for the leadership they've shown and impact they've had on my life while I've been at BCC.

I know these next 7 months are going to fly by so I felt this on my heart tonight....I just wanted to share with all of you BCC-ers how much I love you and appreciate you! Ephesians 1:16 "I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers."

Provision

2008-01-26T15:42:00.000-08:00

In the past month I've thought more about politics than I ever have, even more than the last presidential election. Last time I went to vote on November 2 (my birthday), and I was turning 21. I had asked my dad who he was going to vote for so I write it all down and voted like my dad! Haha, lame I know, but I trust my dad's opinion. But this time I've thought about the candidates and I won't say my stance because politics can get very emotional for some people.....all I know is it's got me thinking about our world today. We all know we're in the last days. It's obvious and all around us, someone was even talking about the economy and how our nation is well on its way to the next Great Depression. The more I thought about all these things the worse I felt, and was starting to feel really depressed. But as I read my Bible the other the day the Lord comforted me with these words:

"You still the hunger of those you cherish; their sons have plenty, and they store up wealth for their children. And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness." ~Psalm 17:14b-15

All I can say is that I am so grateful to have my faith in Christ to fall back on! No matter what happens, whether the U.S. falls into another depression or not God will always provide for His children. And either way, we can wake up every day and be satisfied with looking around and seeing God's likeness in the world around us and the provision He brings.

Joys of the Past

2008-01-09T18:56:00.000-08:00

It is a new year! It's only the second week in January and time has flown by. Getting engaged over Christmas was definitely the highlight of the past few weeks, and already the planning has begun. We booked Nazareth Hall for the ceremony and reception, we've also booked the photographer, the florist, we've bought my dress and chosen the bridesmaid dresses. I feel like time is going so fast. I realized today that this Christmas was my last Christmas at home.....and even that is not really fair to say since I've been living in an apartment since September. As I was taking Christmas ornaments down, putting away the nativity, rolling up the lights, I felt really sentimental about my family's tree. It's totally hodge podge, with huge colored lights and a gaudy star which lights up and changes colors. But that's what I grew up with, and I wouldn't want it any other way!

Four of us kids have grown up in this house, switched rooms numerous times, been homeschooled, learned how to play baseball in the front yard and basketball in the driveway, practiced serves for volleyball against the garage door, learned how to swim in the pool which sadly died a few years back, and I will never forget when we bought the swingset, which still stands strong in the back yard. Four family pets have come and gone, grandkids have found their footing in these rooms, and old pictures reflect the change of styles this home has had over the years. I've been thinking about how times change and how different we were all ten years ago. I used to ask my mom, "Mom, how do I know when God speaks to me?" I would agonize over this issue, even cry at times, longing for God to speak to me, that an audible voice would come and fill my yearning. Though I understand now what it's like when God speaks to me, thinking about how I used to agonize over it when I was young reminded me that no matter how old we get, those questions from long ago are evidence of the thirst only God can fill. Though I don't ask those questions anymore, no person or thing can ever fill what God is only suited for. No matter how much in love you are or how dedicated to your job, or how excited you are about the future, God is ultimately the only one thing you will find true and pure life in. You will find that even in your most joyful times, if your life isn't centered on Christ, you won't feel it like God wants you to. Let's keep Him in the center, and in doing so experience true joy!!

Isaiah 55:12 "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."

My Favorite Christmas Gift of 2007

2007-12-24T19:03:00.000-08:00

This weekend was my extended family's Christmas and I have come to find that the annoying dynamics of my family are also the ones which make me love them so much. Last night was all the prep work for today, we baked, made sleeping arrangements at my parents' house, bought last minute groceries and supplies, wrapped presents.....all that good stuff. Well as I mentioned before there are things about my family which annoy me sometimes like saying breakfast is going to be at 10:30 and then we don't even sit down till 11:30, my sisters following me around wherever I go while being loud and obnoxious, and also being ultra dramatic about where everyone will sleep. So anyway Frankie has never seen this side of my family before, naturally, since this is our first Christmas together. Who would ever imagine deciding where everyone would sleep would be such a huge deal? Satya says, "Oh my gosh! Where are we all going to sleep, I mean Ben needs a bed, Libby needs a bed, the girls, Jon and me, Frankie....we all have to sleep somewhere!!!" OH HORRORS!!! I usually get irritated at this unnecessary drama but seeing Frankie's humorous reaction to the whole thing made me realize just how funny it really is! Being someone who loves to laugh I wholeheartedly rid myself of all irritation. So as we were sitting down to dinner tonight I looked around the table at my dear family and felt a wave of emotion come over me. I love my family so much, and thinking of the fact that God brings us all together in such a unique and wonderful way makes me so grateful. We always talk about the church being the "body" and that we all work together as one vessel. I think we often forget the smaller part of being one "body", our own families. My family is made up of an array of different backgrounds and beliefs. My grandparents are Mennonite, my Uncle a Quaker, my Aunt is Methodist and her husband not religious at all. My brother-in-law is searching for answers and the rest of us are Pentecostals. All raised in different eras and times, old-school and new, quiet and loud, irritable and tolerant, such a variety of personalities and backgrounds! Thinking about this made it so much cooler to know my family still loves each other, builds each other up as one unit, and that God has an ultimate plan. I'm glad Frankie laughed, otherwise I may not have recognized this till later down the road. So from that one little act of finding humor in the silly things God gave me such a sweet and lovely gift this Christmas about my family. Thanks for the gift, Lord, it's my favorite!!

Are You Serious?

2007-12-20T19:39:00.000-08:00

Serious:
1.of, showing, or characterized by deep thought.
2.of grave or somber disposition, character, or manner
3.being in earnest; sincere; not trifling
4.requiring thought, concentration, or application
5.weighty or important
6.giving cause for apprehension; critical

I looked up the meanings for the word serious because someone asked me a question the other day about how serious I was about something. Actually they asked me how serious my boyfriend Frankie and I are and I said, "Very, very serious....we never smile...." Not really, we laugh all the time actually but it got me thinking about "serious". I love to laugh so sometimes I have a hard time taking things seriously. The definition I thought about was number 6, giving cause for apprehension. Sometimes apprehension is what saves us from ourselves. I've felt myself holding back in situations and I strongly feel the Holy Spirit has used apprehension in my life to tell me something wasn't right for me. When that disquiet moves on my spirit I know it is a "serious" matter, something worth thinking about, then I allow my apprehension to help me slow down. So, just some random thinking, next time you feel trepidation over something don't let let it panic you, just let it show you it's something you need to slow down and think about.

Desperate

2007-12-01T22:08:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about being desperate for God. How desperate are we? We sing songs at church about being desperate for Him, longing for more of Him, and panting for Him like a deer pants for water, but do we truly go to the depth of that longing? Or is it just a lyric we say to make ourselves believe we are? The other day as I was driving home from work I saw a deer struggling along a fence....literally beating itself to death trying to jump over this fence, the fence was just too high, and the scene created a traffic jam so I had a minute to see what exactly was happening. At one point the deer jumped into the fence and fell backwards onto it's hind side and just laid there for minute, panting, then it got back up and kept jumping....it had a bleeding gash on it's shoulder and was bleeding from its eye and mouth as well because it was trying to hard to get over the fence to the woods where it knew it belonged. I thought about this deer when I thought about our "desperation".....are we as desperate as that deer was? We should be. I think what happens is that before people are saved they see over that fence, they see the place they need to be with Christ and will do anything, even to the point of pain and anguish, to get there for the sake of knowing God. But after we get over that fence and find our salvation, that desperation is still a necessity to our growth in Christ. It's the longing which pushes us further into the woods, further into the lands and valleys and mountains which mature us and make us realize that no matter how far we go there is ALWAYS something more to learn about God, there is always another treasure to find in Jesus, another story to find, other lives to touch. Desperation for Jesus isn't something which only pushes us to our salvation but pushes us to find the actual heart of God! Not too much later that evening I went running down that same road and all was back to normal, as it should be. Life changes by the minute my friends, and without our longing and desperate pursuit of the Lord the experiences we may face one day will not make a difference the next. But it's our choice. Let your longing push you further into Father God's heart, allow your passion for Him make a difference...let it change your life.

Quiet Calling

2007-11-16T19:09:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of time alone when I work, so most days I have a lot of time to think and pray....In the quiet hours I spend in the kitchen, baking, cooking, organizing, cleaning....God quietly reveals His heart to me. I love those times. God, my cooking, and me. There's something about it which makes every thing I do seem so much more meaningful....with every fold of dough, every beat of the mixer, and every pie which slowly browns and caramelizes in the oven, I feel the Holy Spirit working in my heart. Today a woman came to pay her bill and told me how amazing the food was and that I must make it with a lot of love! She was sweet and excited, and I told her, "Well, I guess you could say that. I pray over it while I make it." And that is how I know I've found my calling. No matter where I work, how good the food is, or how fast it is rushed to their table, the only reason it is enjoyed is because God is always with me. We often pray God will be our hands, our feet, His words will come out of our mouths, our hearts will be ones after His own. When I work I can feel my hands doing His work and my feet walking those rooms to minister to the people hungry for more than a multiple course meal. I pray that no matter where God takes me in life I will always have the confidence that I'm exactly where He wants me to be. Where He's going to take me I have no clue. But that's okay.....I just keep cooking, praying, and waiting for Him to reveal Himself to me....and He never ceases to show up.

Removing the Anvil

2007-11-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

I have, for many years, not been a person prone to crying. Most events like weddings, funerals, hurts, joys, pms, whatever, are things which make people produce this phenomenon of water bursting out of your eyeballs but for some reason, for many years, I wanted so badly to be able to cry but I just couldn't. Walls had been built up in my life, and even though crying doesn't change a situation or even make it better, it is a symbol of vulnerability which most don't want to show and I am one of those people. Building those walls wasn't just a matter of guarding my heart, it was a matter of making it unreachable. For a while I wouldn't even allow myself to cry by the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and pushing down that emotion made me feel like I was carrying a 5-ton anvil in my heart. I have even been proud of my hard heart at times, thinking it was a way of being tough, like the world just can't reach me! But I realized that having a hard heart only makes me more like the world, rather than someone the world cannot get to. Having a hard heart doesn't bring me closer to God, and neither does is make me more like God. All it does is makes me inpenetrable by the working of the Holy Spirit when He wants to work in me, and makes it harder for me to relate to others. One of the hardest things for me to do is approach someone and tell them why I feel a certain way, or tell them I'm upset, or share something which could possibly make me feel uncomfortable. But relationships are about being open and loving each other, no matter where you are coming from or what the past tells. In all my experiences not one of my true friends have ever rejected me because of my imperfection, and neither have I rejected them. Why? Because we are all imperfect and live in a fallen world where we are saved by grace and grace alone. One of the most powerful tools the devil uses against us is the fear of being truly known, and therefore makes us think it's okay to wear that facade of being perfectly okay. It's worse to be "perfectly okay" (because no one really is), than to be "not okay" and be honest with yourself and others. What does this have to do with crying? Crying is just one way to express emotion, and even though I know it doesn't change the situation, my tears have been a sign that God has been working and molding my heart. Maybe for you it's something different, but for me it's simply allowing myself to be open with Jesus, allowing myself be vulnerable....a scary place to be when you've been so guarded for so long, but the best place to be with the Savior who already knows why you're scared, what you're scared of, and is willing to take the anvil out of your heart. This is what He means by saying, "my burden is light"...because we give Him ours and we are suddenly free. To you, my dear friend and prayer partner, thank you for encouraging me to be open and honest....and my true self....you are a priceless treasure.

Sloth and Chunk

2007-11-06T21:51:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen The Goonies? I love that movie, I grew up watching it. My favorite person was Chunk, and I think it's because I could relate to him on a chubby level since I was a bit on the pudge side as a kid......I just thought he was really funny, doing the truffle-shuffle and always being hungry. Either way, I always liked the fact that Chunk befriended Sloth. Sloth wasn't much on the outside, just a big ogre-like guy with a crazy eyes and a big head with a little patch of hair on top, but under the layer of ugliness was a real gem. At the very end Sloth stands up under a crumbling wall to save all the characters in the movie and before Chunk goes through he says, "I love you Sloth!" and he of course yells back, "I wuv oo too Chunk!" You may be at a brink in life, a steep cliff is before you and you have to decide whether or not to jump. The situation may seem dim and look really ugly on the outside, and you may want to flee in the oposite direction thinking, "God I just can't handle this, it's too much and it's far too ugly for me to face!" Before you step back in fear and run away, consider what the result could be if you did take that plunge. Why would God put something in front of you which you can't overcome? After you look that ugly situation straight in the eye and say, "I will not be consumed by you, no, I will live and be the person God created me to be!" You may find that situation was exactly what you needed to discover exactly who God IS creating you to be. It's the ugly things we face which end up blessing us in the long run. And sometimes, overcoming means failing. God puts situations in front of us and sometimes when we fail, it's solely to reveal our need for God and the strength of our Father. So in the end of the movie Sloth saves all the kids by standing up under a crumbling wall of rocks. The rocks were heavy but he stood his ground because he knew he had to. Stand firm in your faith, and when the cliff finally starts to crumble around you you will find the strength to stand up under it. It could've been so easy for Sloth just to let all the rocks fall on them and be like, "Wow, I'm big but not big enough to hold this falling wall up!" but he still held up and in the end, after he stood the test, he found a new home and family. Oh, and Chunk's mom got them all pizza (Chunk's favorite, yesssss.....), and they also found a little bag of treasure which ended up saving their homes, creating a happy ending for all! God doesn't want us to be miserable, He just wants us to be strong in Him so we can be with Him forever. he want us to have our happy ending. God's plans always prevail, so if His plan is for us to be happy, we will be happy. And now, it's time for the truffle-shuffle of joy!

Not What It Seems

2007-10-31T12:07:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor today to have my knee checked....you see, I had a pretty bad fall last weekend down some cement stairs and man did it hurt! Not only do I have multiple bruises on my arms, legs, hip, even my finger, but I also had a humbled pride as well (I was also wearing a skirt so you can imagine my humiliation haha). Anyway my doctor asked me all sorts of questions about pain, what hurts, what doesn't, checked swelling, etc., and I had some x-rays done. But I have to be honest, my knee doesn't LOOK affected at all but was the most painful after the fall. She gave me some anti-inflammatory pills and said they'd call about the x-rays. Sometimes people are the same way, they look fine on the outside but on the inside they're screaming out in pain. All they need is a little relief, someone to talk to, someone to pray for them, something to make them feel better. A girl in youth group this past Monday looked just fine and happy but once I asked if she needed prayer for anything she went from an instant transition from "happy" to not being able to stop crying. Then again, Frankie and I made a friend at the Rite Aid by my apartment and we decided to stop in to see if he was working. On the outside it was just a friendly hello, but as we talked with our friend we found out he was a Christian and it ended up being a mini time of encouragement. I encourage you to look a little deeper. After the outside layer is peeled back and the facade broken down, you may find a deep hurt you can help heal, or a situation which needs prayer, maybe even a soul who needs saving.

Good Crops

2007-10-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about a particular section of scripture tonight. Isaiah 5:1-2, "I will sing for the one I love a song about his vineyard: My loved one had a vineyard on a fertile hillside. He dug it up and cleared it of stones and planted it with the choicest vines. He built a watchtower in it and cut out a winepress as well. Then he looked for a crop of good grapes, but it yielded only bad fruit."

Your life is cleaned, de-weeded (is that a word? haha), and cleared of stones by the Life Gardener. He knows exactly what you need and provides. He provides water, food, light, shade, protection from the enemy, and even provides your life with the things you need to fill into the lives of others. But when He comes searching for a crop will you have done anything with those things He's provided? It's so easy to be so happy with where you're at that it's not even contentment anymore....it turns into indifference, sometimes even laziness. PT talked about taking risks, and to stay on the ball sometimes we have to take chances. God takes a chance on us. Not that He NEEDS us, but He still uses us and by doing so truly takes a chance on giving us responsibilities which He is fully capable of doing Himself. Why does He do that? He knows we screw up all the time, and Heknows we are dreadfully prone to sin. But He uses us because, what purpose would we have in life if it weren't for the purpose of God? He knows we're nothing without Him, and we know it too. It seems kind of harsh but that's the reality of it. So allow God to not only tend to your vineyard but also take the same risk God takes on us....step out and use the gifts He's given so that your life will be overflowing with rivers of living water (or wine, whichever you prefer (::gasp:::you lush...haha)), so that God won't find a bad crop in the vineyard He's prepared for you.

When Nothing Satisfies

2007-10-19T23:53:00.001-07:00

I have been saved for 18 years. I prayed with my mom when I was four years old, I still remember what it was like outside and the sound of my mom's voice as she led me to salvation. Looking back on my childhood I remember numerous times where my heart was overwhelmed with love for Jesus. I didn't know much about life or the depth of God, and I didn't have great knowledge about the Bible. But one thing remained the same from then until now as a 22-year-old woman, and that is the fulfillment I have found in Christ. When I was 4 I was innocent and naive, but all the better for I was able to receive with an open the heart without the world tainting my mind and thoughts. Now with the world pressing in every day I look back to those simple times and reflect on what the Lord has done. Life has changed, times have changed, I have changed, but God has not. When I need refreshing and nothing satisfies the longing in my heart for something more I remember the days of my childhood and therein remember the Love of my life, my first Love, the everlasting Father who will never change. So when nothing satisfies you, which nothing ever really will, look to God and He will close in on the longing in your heart. Then you'll have found or remembered what truly satisfies.

Speak Up!

2007-10-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

Today at church we had a quiet time to sit and reflect on our lives, you know just a little time to pray and ask the Lord where we need change. Sometimes I feel kind of weird when we have these moments, not because I feel awkward with God or because I think I'm perfect but because I'm always close to laughing at the ridiculous things God reveals to me. They aren't ridiculous because I think I don't really need change but because God reveals things that are so obvious but we are so clueless! Haha! Well I realize about myself that I don't like verbalizing things. Certain things I do, sure, like, "It's Christmas!" or "My birthday's tomorrow!". But in life there are a lot of things that I feel if I say something, they really will be concrete.....I will be held accountable to my word and it scares me sometimes. I suppose it's a good thing because then I actually think about what I say before I say it, but then it can also hurt when something needs to be said and I don't say it. You know that book The Five Love Languages? Well I am pretty sure mine isn't words of affirmation because it's hard for me to believe people when they say things....I guess words have hurt me so much in the past that I've come to believe words are cheap and unless you follow your words with action it means nothing to me. Funny because I know I've lacked in action after words came out of my mouth. So, God showed me that, through the Holy Spirit, my words can offer life, they can give peace, and being held accountable is a horrible reason to not say anything. I love encountering these everyday or weekly lessons.....even when they're irritating because they show my humanity, I laugh and praise God for them!

Willing

2007-10-10T11:25:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 8: 11-12

"11Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. 12For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have. "

I like how this is worded, "so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it." Whatever it is that's being done, do you have an eager willingness to do it? Think about that last stretch in a race, the last 30 minutes of a long day at work, or the last hour of a long drive. Let your willingness to finish the task be as urgent as your desire to be done with it. We can easily have a strong desire to be done with something, but it takes effort to actually be willing to put our heart into the completion of it. When willingness is there we reap abundantly because a good attitude always produces more fruit. What we reap is a gift to the Lord, and He accepts it because it's from us living as a worship offering to Him.

God, I'm willing. My will is broken in light of all the plans You've ordained for my life. I rejoice in the grace you've extended to me, and I step forward with joy knowing you have already gone before me. My heart is Yours, Jesus, take it and fill it with desire, passion, and drive only You can give. With eager willingness I look forward to what You have in store!

Humbled

2007-10-02T13:16:00.001-07:00

I feel humbled today. Life is a blessing and sometimes it seems like everything couldn't be better, and then I open my eyes and realize some things have been neglected. Sure I get up and do my devotions every day. I pray, I want to follow God with my whole heart and just when I feel like my spiritual life couldn't be better, God rips that pride out of my hand. It isn't depressing, it's a good thing, and a necessary thing.

I made what's called demi-glace in school once. It's meant to be brought to a slow boil and then simmered for hours. If it boils it'll get grainy. In a moment of mindlessness I forgot to turn down the heat and the result was grainy. I let it go too far, and my hard work was no longer a thing to be praised but something to be fixed. Luckily there was a way to fix it....sure it wasn't "perfect" like I'd hoped, but it was still good. As a second-year student in the culinary program I was humbled, but I had another chance to fix what was wrong. It was necessary for my to learn to be careful next time.

Our daily walk is about Jesus, not about others, or about us, if it's anything else but Jesus pride slips in. Don't let your mind trick to you to believe it's anything else but about God.

Unpolluted

2007-09-26T14:47:00.000-07:00

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this......to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. ~James 1:27

This morning I got up and stood with students at Ida High School for See You At the Pole to pray for their school and lift up the faculty, students, the building, advisors, the nation, and the world, holding hands and standing together. It strikes me as a privilage to be a leader to these young people and I remember being in their position; a young high school kid who had sports, games, homework, friends, and many things on my teenie bopper to-do list! haha. But it was very important to me at the time, and it's important to me now because those times made me who I am today, and is shaping these students today into who they will be in years to come. So as I was standing there in prayer our little circle grew slowly.

Now thinking about this morning I read this verse with a new perspective. It's vital that mature Christians keep ourselves from being polluted by the world but it's also our responsibility to help the young ones from being polluted as well. We cannot shield them completely but by a covering of prayer and Godly wisdom we can help. It was like a small circle of light around that flagpole this morning, shining in a dark world where they will be tempted, hurt, and people will try to rob them of their confidence. I praise God that our students were willing to go early and lift their prayers to the Lord, and I praise God for bringing me to this place in my life. Only time will tell what an impact these students will have in the future days and years to come!!

Senses

2007-09-24T18:51:00.001-07:00

I am officially ready for fall weather! It's so weird waking up in the middle of the night and being cold and then waking up in the morning and it's hot again....I hate that! You know in the Bible how it says "let your yes be yes and your no be no", well how come the weather can't comply?? Seriously, either be cold or be hot! Geez! I like the fall best of all seasons though, for multiple reasons. for one it's my birthday (November 2, mark your calendars...my roomies better do something sweet for me.....haha), and the typical things like the beautiful colors and wearing sweatshirts and jeans, snuggling up in bed at night and feeling so warm and cozy! Long walks on the trail and the park, watching football, going to the airport on October 1 to meet Frankie at the airport....okay so that's not an annual thing but it's something to have positive association with the fall for! I love bonfires and hayrides, the smell of burning leaves is really one of my favorite smells, and combine it with crisp autumn and and crunching leaves under your feet.....the entire thing just really makes me happy!

So I'm thinking about how the senses are so involved in every season of the year. The smells, the feels, the sounds, sights....even the tastes because of holidays....what do you associate Thanksgiving with? Turkey and mashed potatoes. Christmas? Baked ham and mashed potatoes. Valentines Day? Sugar cookies...and mashed potatoes. Haha, just kidding, but seriously, all the senses are involved. In my spiritual life I've come to realize just how much the senses are involved in my walk. There is so much more involved in our spiritual walk than we sometimes think. When you worship God you can FEEL His Spirit move. When you pray you can listen and HEAR His voice. When you read the word you can TASTE His goodness. When you live out your calling you can SEE how He works. When you lift your praises to Him your worship and praise is like a sweet SMELL to His senses. Or, you can smell the fart someone in front of you cuts but hopefully that isn't the case. Tonight I walked into church for youth group and my entire being was overwhelmed with excitment and joy for what God is doing in the youth! So my senses were overwhelmed tonight with not just the smell of walking tacos and adolescence, hahaha! I can't wait to see what God has in store for this season!!

The Good Things

2007-09-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

I think some of the most random things in life are some of the best. for instance, the other day I was walking out to go running and one of our neighbors told me my shorts made me look like a lesbian. I could've gotten insulted but I understand that the rainbow stripe down the side is kind of a homosexual sign, but I've had the shorts since like, jr. high, and they've stayed so nice and in good condition! Anyways, I laughed because I figured, well if anyone thought I was a lesbian it would mean they didn't know me at all and if they just saw me running down the road, will I ever see them again? No.

Another random thing, walking into my bedroom to see my teddy bears either hanging from my bunk bed with a cell phone cord around its neck or tied up and blindfolded....it sounds so morbid and disturbing but I laughed out loud and screamed at Lauren out my window. I know she loves me and all but to the point of being jealous of the stuffed animals in my bed with me at night, that's kind of scary. Lauren, just because I wear lesbian shorts doesn't mean I am one! Haha!

And yesterday I accidentally called my boyfriend's mom by the wrong name (Patty instead of Peggy...haha) to his dad....that was the most embarrassing moment of the week by far. I don't know if he heard me say it or if he ignored it so I didn't feel like a huge tard but either way I felt like crawling in a hole. Besides looking like a I have a mullet when I put my hair in a ponytail, that was a pretty funny moment.

I'm just feeling goofy tonight, but I thank God for it. It's been a tough weekend, work has been draining and life is just difficult sometimes. But I thought about the times in life when we feel kind of separated from God, and even though we know we're not we still feel alone sometimes. But can you imagine being separated from God for all eternity? It hit me tonight. Not being in constant fellowship with Christ makes life more difficult even on a daily basis but imagine eternity being that difficult and more. That's what hell is. Hell=no bueno. No bueno=all evil. I'm a dork, sure, but you get my point.

The Needs of an Animal

2007-09-16T07:55:00.001-07:00

I thought this was kind of funny and I even laughed a little while I was writing it into my journal one morning. My mom had just mentioned the other night that I hadn't come over to feed my cat at night for the past two nights (yes, I'm horrible, she's so sick from liver failure and thyroid issues and yet she's gonna die of starvation because I'm a bad mother!!). Granted, Mom fed her for me but the issue is that she's MY cat. So anyway I read this, Proverbs 12:10 "A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel."

I laughed because it's so ironic that I would read that at the same time my mom scolded me about my cat! Whether you believe animals go to heaven or not doesn't matter, and I won't state my stance on it either because I don't want to get shellacked with animal people comments (haters or lovers of animals), but the point is that it's a small responsibility to feed my cat every night. She's mine, and even if my parents gave her to me it's a responsibility which God holds me accountable to even if it's small. Matthew 25:21 "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things." I was reminded instantly of this verse after I read the Proverb, and I really felt kind of convicted about my lack of care for my cat! I mean I even wrote a blog about Pinky and how ridiculous it was to take to the vet all the time! Haha! So God does care about the little things in life, whether it's a small desire we have or a small responsibility we have.

I Bless Your Name

2007-09-15T16:46:00.000-07:00

Today I work I was listening to the song "I Bless Your Name" by Selah on my handy dandy ipod, which I love because it's pink (but I love God more, don't worry, haha!). First I'll put the lyrics then I'll continue.

"In prisoners' chains

With bleeding stripes

Paul and Silas prayed that night

And in their pain began to sing

Their chains were loosed

And they were free

I bless Your Name, I bless Your Name

I give You honor, give You praise

You are the Life, the Truth, the Way

I bless Your Name, I bless Your Name

Some midnight hour

If you should find

You're in a prison in your mind

Reach out and praise

Defy those chains

And they will fall

In Jesus' Name "

I kept thinking about the last part about being in a prison in your mind. It is so easy to make yourself a prisoner to your own fears and thoughts. It's just another way the devil takes a hold in our lives, it starts in our heads but eventually leads to the heart. How do we overcome this? It's really hard to just reach out and praise God when we're fighting an inward battle in our minds but once we take the step and do it, God really does reach down to the deepest part of our hearts to heal. Think of Job, he wasn't happy he was sick but he still praised God and stayed true to the Lord. I love Ruth 4:14 where it says, "Praise be to the LORD, who this day has not left you without a kinsman-redeemer. May he become famous throughout Israel!" Ruth was in a tough position; her husband dead, living in a foreign land, and only getting the remnants of what harvesters had already gleened. If I were her I'd probably be in a mental prison, worrying about the future, my mother-in-law, everything! And yet she stayed true, God blessed her, and through her living a life of praise even the women around her praised God! how awesome is that?

So when you feel like you're in a mental prison reach out and praise the Lord, He will remove the chains and set you free. He does for me. He will for you. We love you, Lord, I pray your Holy Spirit will fill the hears of anyone who reads this tonight and we will truly praise you from the depths of our hearts, letting you take away the chains of mental slavery. You, God, are our kindsman redeemer, the lover of our souls, and the deliverer of our hearts!

Good Mornings

2007-09-12T06:27:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning with lots of happy and exciting thoughts. Always a great way to start the day, right? :) Anyway, I love waking up and straight away reaching for my Bible, to get into God's word whether I'm happy, sad, angry, exstatic, whatever, it's a fulfilling way to start each day. I've been rereading Hosea because I like the book for it's redeption theme and to learn how God responded to his peoples' disobedience....not because I like reading about people getting in trouble, hahaha, that's twisted, but because it just shows another level in who our God is.

Hosea 6:4b "Your love is like the morning mist, like the early dew that disappears."

This is a charge against Judah and Ephraim but I find it completely appropriate for us too. Do you want your love for God to be like the morning mist or early dew? Sure we all go through funks in our walk sometime but even in those times there can still be the deep and devoted passion for God. I don't want my love for God to be something He feels is unstable, unreliable, untrustworthy. No I am not perfect, far from it, but I want God to know my heart is His....always.

So in contrast to Dew Love (I made that one up, haha, I feel cool) in the mornings, every morning let's wake up and have True Love. Expect to draw closer to Jesus, to let that love carry us through each day and wait in expectation that God will answer. Psalm 5:3 "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." I prayed something one morning this week and believed in faith God would answer my prayer. I waited in expectation. He answered my prayer last night. I went to bed last night praising Him for His faithfulness, with gratitude in my heart. Psalm 92:1-3 "It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night..."

So have great mornings with me! Let's walk in the constant truth of God and who He is, remembering salvation inthe morning, and praising Him every night.

Ode to the Nub

2007-09-06T21:13:00.000-07:00

Last night I was laying in bed thinking about how I'm not going to be at my mom and dad's house anymore...feeling kind of sad, I reached for my old teddy bear and tried to fall asleep. Yes, I slept with a bear, deal with it! Anyway, all last night and most of the day today I had a horrible anxiety in my spirit, which only comes when I'm involved in something new and life is changing. I've never been one who likes change much and as I've grown up physically, spiritually, emotionally, God has been gracious and helped me cope with change.

Life is so uncertain sometimes. With change comes new people, new places, unexpected events, unpredictable circumstances. All those things can be scary and sometimes hold us back from doing what God has called us to do. But change also brings new opportunities, a fresh outlook on life which gives us a clear perspective, and with new people and places come more chances to share the truth. Whether life is changing for good or bad one thing always remains the same, and that is Jesus. "Take your eyes off this changing world and turn them to the unchanging God". I can't stress enough how much that quote has impacted my life in times when life seemed difficult. It's even touched me when life was great! Through the mountains and valleys in life God is the consistent wind which blows and touches both places.

Ode to the Thumb Nub

Chopping away so smooth and swift,
Suddenly I slipped and I was sure miffed!
Oh what a shame to cut my thumb,
It hurt so bad and swelled like a plumb!
So there I was with blood abounding,
I ran to the sink, my poor heart pounding.
Yes I'm just a dame who cut her thumb,
I've been trained, too, so I felt really dumb.
Alas there was still much work to accomplish
So I put on 3 bandaids and a glove so I could finish.
Now I'm sitting here, my nub thumb throbbing,
No stitches needed so I won't be sobbing.
What a shame to cook with my thumb nub,
If you taste extra seasoning all I did was rub!
Call me sick but it's all a big joke,
I did cut my thumb but don't have a stroke!
In a month it will be healed and pain will scatter,
But tonight I'll take a pill so I can sleep a little better.

Pinky

2007-09-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

I have officially come to the conclusion that animals (pets) ought to die of natural causes. I'm sick of taking my cat to the vet all the time, is that horribly selfish? Here's the deal, Pinky Pie Velasquez is 16 almost 17 years old, she has hyperthyroid with a tumor in her throat, liver problems and I have to give her 3 medications twice a day. I can't even add up how much money's been spent on veterinary visits, including one this winter to have the tip of her tail amputated because it was scraped clean of the hair somehow and we didn't want it to get jaundiced. She, among many other cats in history, would have died at least a few years prior to her actual day of death if allowed. Why put animals through this misery? If I were as sick as she was I'd ask to be taken off my pills and just let me die, for the LOVE! Especially if I were that old! However, I do like my cat, she is funny and humorous in her old age....she makes this crazy squeakie noise in her throat and her meow is all mangled for some reason.

So yeah, I took her to the vet this morning and it was just for a shot so I didn't get her cage out. She shed all over my car and me, I seriously looked like a sasquatch when I got home. My car is in dire need of a cleaning, too. But holding her while we waited softened my heart a little. In a sense it reminded me of how we are. Helpless, sick, people, with Father God holding us and caring for us even though we are as good as dead. But by His grace and mercy we are brought to life and have a reason to live and have new life and joy in Him. So....thanks to my decrepit old cat Pinky, for reminding me of the love of Jesus today.

Truth in Each Circumstance

2007-08-29T17:30:00.001-07:00

"Jesus, truth in each circumstance" This phrase hit me like a steak on a black eye tonight. Yes, a steak. A weird comparison, sure, but it's true! Hear me out. Sometimes we have ideas in our heads of how things should be in life. Sometimes we guard ourselves to the point that we don't even take the chance (or risk) to allow something to happen, even if that something is good. In my life I've come to realize that it's not that I want to hide from people or be emotionally elusive so no one can truly know me but in a way it's like a protection device, doing myself the service of keeping my heart from being hurt. That's where the black eye comes in! The things in life which we may try to protect ourselves from may end up kicking us in the face later, and by this I mean that in trying to keep something from happening we actually end up hurting ourselves anyway by means of regret, disappointment (ironic, huh, that you would become disappointed from trying to protect yourself from disappointment), even guilt. It's like a black eye in our spirit. Our spiritual eyes help us see where God is taking us, the doors He is opening and closing, and the long-term promises He has for our lives. But when we have a spiritual black eye, all swollen and shut, how can we see?

Now I have to say, I love steak. Steak is a wonderful thing! There aren't many ways you can ruin a steak unless you over or under cook it, or over/under season the meat. But when the steak is raw what do people do with it? Slap it on the big black eye! Ever seen that in real life or a movie? They do that because the meat is cold and helps keep the swelling down. It doesn't heal the black eye or make it go away but it helps.

So I know my black eye. I was talking about it in the beginning. Over protecting ourselves is like saying to God, "I don't think you can help me". That's like a slap in Jesus' face! But tonight as we sang in church I heard, "Jesus, truth in each circumstance", and it occurred to me again that no matter what the circumstances are in life Jesus is always the truth and by looking at my Jesus, and not at myself, through open and unwounded spiritual eyes I will see clearly where He's taking me....and in that place there is no room for fear of the future. Why? Because Jesus loves me. And perfect love drives out fear. (I John 4:18). No matter what you face or what you're worried about in your life there are always risks involved but if you never take any risks you'll never find what God has for you. Jesus took risks. He took risks by speaking, healing, and by saying He was God. But that didn't stop him because he knew God was in charge, that there was an ultimate plan, and no matter what pain he faced there was an eternal purpose for it.

So even though singing those words didn't change any circumstances in my life, nor did it take away any of those things which make me guarded, but it does effect me in a long-term way. Just like the steak doesn't heal or take away the black eye, it does effect how long the eye is bruised. It does effect the long-term! And so does trusting Jesus all the time, the truth in every circumstance, in doing so you will change how your spiritual eye will look in the future.

An Amazing Gift

2007-08-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

Wow, tonight was such an amazing night in ministry! My heart is aching tonight, but not in a sad or negative way, but rather out of absolute love and admiration for Father God. I am so thrilled at what God has in store for Everfree, Fundamentals, and BCC! After a time of transition, without a youth pastor, it is time to move on and move up! I believe we will have the worship center completely packed with kids by mid-October, I love the perspective PT gave us tonight about not just thinking or believing but EXPECTING that God will move! Praise the Lord! I am so excited!

We memorized Ephesians 3:20 for the series we're starting and as I did my devo's today I did some cross-referencing on the verse. This is what I came up with:

2 Corinthians 9:8-15. "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: 'He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.' Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!"

So it's kind of long but that's ok! The part which struck me was that Paul says, "men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confessions of the gospel of Christ" That, my friends, is truly a gift. When we are obedient to God's calling we are doing His will. When we do His will we're sharing the truth and expanding the kingdom, which is bringing people to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. In turn people will praise God for the obedience you have lived in because it was through you which they found Jesus. I can't speak for you but I know for sure that if I knew someone became a Christian because of me and they praise God for my obedience, their heart going out to me in their prayers, I definitely see that as an amazing gift! At one point in culinary school I had a friend who had a heart problem and one day in class she had an "episode". Hahah, I'm sorry but when I hear or say "episode" I think of someone with boughts of diarrhea or something, hahahah! Ok that's gross so back to subject! Anyway she had an attack of whatever this problem was and she was all weak and had to sit down all of a sudden. I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to go over and pray for her so I did. I found out soon after that the people around us thought it was weird and I'm sure they thought I was a little crazy, but that didn't stop me from ministering. It wasn't until a year later when I talked to this friend while we were making a wedding cake together that when I prayed for her that time, she was blessed so much and she told me how much of an example it set for her. She wanted that light, she wanted Jesus! So this passage blessed me today. It reminded me of this story, that when we're obedient to the Lord that others really do praise God for our obedience.

On a funny note I managed to go running at Wildwood today without snapping any branches or twigs in my face while I ran through the woods. On my way to my car I stepped on a branch and it flew up and whacked me in the leg and left a long, branch-shaped welt. Yes it was an adventure.

Oops

2007-08-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, sorry about that last blog, I didn't realize something bad in the cartoon. HA! Oops! I changed the picture but I hope you can find in your hearts to forgive me. Heehee. :)

You Choose

2007-08-23T18:26:00.001-07:00

Yesterday while I was working I was getting really frustrated about this wedding cake I'm doing for Saturday. Around cake number 90 I just wanted to cry, I had been icing and decorating cakes for hours and was only half done. You know those times in life where you feel like there's got to be more to life than THIS?! Well, let me tell you, it's obvious that there's more to life than frosting cakes and making pink buttercream roses, but in the moment I felt like there was no end. I was stuck in a pit of tiny cakes. It was like Daniel in the lion's den only Libby in the midget cake den! Anyway, to make a long story short I had a horrible attitude. I realized that it was my own choice what my attitude was and I could either enjoy the time alone to pray and focus on my amazing piping skills (ya know, maybe build up my finger muscles some more or somethin...), or I could be grumpy and live just to get home. Along the same lines, we have a choice every day to choose Jesus. Yeah, we're saved and we "live" for God, but do we truly live every moment to please Him?

It is our choice to wake up every morning and say, "Jesus, today I choose you." What does this mean? It's the process of dying to ourselves daily. Choose Jesus, meaning when a situation comes your way and it's easy to be irritated or grumpy, sad or depressed, think of all the truth there is in the promises of God! He promises He will never give us more than we can handle (I Cor. 10:13). He promises He will always be with us and provide a way (Psalm 31:15, I Cor. 10:13b). We choose our attitudes.

Last fall was a really difficult time in my life. I don't think I ever remember crying so much as then, I mean when you feel so heartbroken you can barely breath....it's really like the life has been sucked right out of you. But then there are other times when you are so incredibly happy that all you can think about is that special someone or that exciting event coming up! But there is a similarity in both extremes, that we have the choice to choose God no matter what the circumstance. Whether you're overwhelmed with joy, or in the pit of despair, you can either focus on yourself and how happy or sad you are, or focus on God and praise Him because you're happy, or praise Him because you know He's going to bring beauty from ashes. So last fall was a time in my life where I was truly heartbroken, but it was in that time that I started to truly realize that I had to decide. And I praise God that I chose Him. I recognize now that my decision then led me to a much closer, much more intimate relationship with Jesus today. I fell in love with Jesus all over again, and it was all because of the choice I made. I chose my attitude. You can choose your attitude. Joshua 24:15 says, "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve.....But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." If serving God in your attitude doesn't sound fun to you then well....go ahead and serve yourself and see what happens. But tonight I choose Jesus. I hope you do too.

Wendy's T-Bone Steak

2007-08-21T06:31:00.001-07:00

This is random, and it is about food. I had a dream last night that my dad was looking at his credit card bill and he comes to me and says, "Elizabeth, do you know anything about this $100 purchase on my credit card....at Wendys?!" In my dream I had no clue what it was all about but I woke up and laughed with my parents about it because it was so ridiculous. Wendy's is one of my favorite fast food places, and even though I don't eat there often and when I do I definitely don't spend that much (mooo), the thought was pretty hilarious.

And just to let you all know, throwing a T-bone steak at a car doesn't total it, unless your car is a worthless piece of junk from two decades ago. ;)

Boundless

2007-08-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

Last month I made homemade vanilla ice cream at work and wow, was is amazing! There are three things I really have a hard time refusing: popcorn, potatoes, and ice cream. It was horribly torturous making all that creamy, smooth ice cream and knowing I probably wouldn't have any of it except the test-taste I so willingly took every time I made it! Well in one of my rounds of making the ice cream base I was careless in my sugar measurements and the ice cream simply refused to freeze in the ice cream churner. That was frustrating! But who could I blame but myself? I didn't follow the recipe exactly and I reaped the consequences. I had to make the batch over again, not only wasting time but also the pricey ingredients. So what's my point? Well, recipes (or cookbooks) are there for a reason. They're kind of like the law books of cooking. Naturally as your progress in your cooking skills certain things don't need to be measured but there are some things which simply always need to be measured. Like sugar in ice cream, or baking soda in cookies. In charcuterie you could royally ruin a terrine or pate by not being careful in the process! So basically I really love the laws of cooking! I love it that there are measurements I can look to, and references to seek when I need help (Psalm 119:24). When you pay attention to the recipe you will find yourself reaping the benefits of an extremely satisfying result. Even though there were rules to follow you feel kind of....free. :) So here's where my thoughts are coming from tonight.

"To all perfection I see a limit; but your commands are boundless." Psalm 119:96. I love this passage in the Psalms. Throughout the entire chapter of Psalm 119 King David goes on and on about loving the Lord's decrees, His laws and commands. This totally opened my eyes again to the truth of God setting us free. Why did King David love the laws of God so much? What could possibly be interesting about a LAW? Because they set him FREE! I mean when we're in a hurry we don't want to drive the speed limit. When I want to go home from work I wish I didn't have to dunk all those dishes in three compartments of water before they can dry. And who ever slows down at a yellow light?! ;) Honestly, no ones does, but that's what we're supposed to do, right? Haha. Anyway, there's even a part in verse 71 where he states, "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I may learn your decrees." David was even grateful for his afflictions because they taught him the decrees of the Lord, and he loved the laws of the Lord (he even longed for them! 119:20) because they taught truth, which then brought Him freedom (119:30-32). I didn't particularly enjoy ruining that batch of ice cream but it was good for me because I learned what NOT to do, therefore making me appreciate the recipe and then brought me the freedom of knowing what to change. There is a limit to all perfection and to all beauty. There is a limit to everything in this earth....but the commands of the Lord are boundless. For some reason the idea of liking boundless commands sounds kind of funny but if you think about it, there is no reason for us to NOT like the commands of the Lord. In fact, we have every reason to love them like King David. Why? Because the commands of God are good. There is no end to the commands of the Lord, therefore there is no end to the goodness of God. This is why I love reading cookbooks and studying recipes. They remind me of the laws of the Lord and how when we follow them we truly do reap a rich harvest in the end. All I pray is that God will set a passion in our hearts for His word. I pray even now as I type that God will open our eyes as we sit in our quiet times, reading, praying, listening for His voice, and we will see what it is that He is commanding us for these times.

119:18 "Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law"
119:12 "Praise be to you, O Lord; teach me your decrees."
119:16 " I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word."
119: 20 "My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times."
119: 24 "Your statues are my delight; they are my counselor."
119: 30-32 "I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statues, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free."

Building The Fire

2007-08-19T10:32:00.000-07:00

How do I keep my spiritual zeal? I thought about that verse last night, "never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." I met with a friend of mine last night and as we talked he told me about a human video his young adults group was planning. As he talked I recognized that spiritual flame in him, the desire to reach out and share the truth, and the spiritual fervor to never give up. How do we obtain that fire, the passion, and keep it there? Did my friend just one day wake up and have a burning passion for reaching the lost? No. It was a steady incline in his life, a gradual build-up of God-given passion to reach the goal of the Creator.

Let me tell you about chicken stock. This will be interesting, I promise, don't laugh at me! Hahaha! When you make any kind of stock you have to start with cold water and the bones of the animal. The temperature is slowly brought up and as the water and bones are warmed the "scum" from the bones surface. This is when you skim the scum, a term we enjoy using in school haha. When the desire of my heart became to just let God fill every room of my heart I had to start out cold. Many times people are kind of set on fire with passion for the Lord but I've realized in my life that when the passion is burning sometimes it doesn't stay. I like to approach it as a gradual increase in spiritual fervor, a zeal which continually rises through my life and never stops or cools down. In the process God has brought up the scum in my life. Fear, depression, anger, bitterness.....none of those are quick to leave when they've been planted for so long but when they come to the surface and I'm willing to let it go, that's when God has skimmed the scum of my heart.

After the scum is gone you add herbs and vegetables to flavor the stock. When the scum in our heart is gone Jesus fills those empty places with flavorful and beautiful things which sometimes we don't even realize how wonderful they are till the end! You see, a stock doesn't automatically taste amazing right after you add the herbs and veg. You have to let it simmer and develop for hours, letting the flavors mingle and compliment each other! Same with us, it takes time and even though we don't automatically see the blessings and wonderful things Jesus plants in our hearts, they come out in time, resulting in something amazing! A stunning taste on our spiritual palette. The result of a well-made stock brings out five things: color, clarity, flavor, body, and aroma. When our hearts are filled to the core with Jesus and we've allowed His love and character to simmer in our hearts we become more like Him. The color of our lives are vibrant and gold, our vision is clear and our integrity in tact, we give a pleasing taste to the hungry hearts of the lost, our overall aura is full of robust character which draws others in, and we offer up a pleasing aroma to the God who created us, the one who's sole desire is for us to obtain all these things.

Spiritual Mise En Place

2007-08-17T19:40:00.001-07:00

I have been reading the book A Woman After God's Own Heart and I am so amazed at the things God is revealing to me in order to open my heart (and mind) and truly be devoted to Him. The first thing which struck me the most was in in the basics. This is how He showed me.

In cooking there are the basic things you need to create a meal. All those things, including ingredients, tools, and equipment are called "mise en place" which, in French, means "everything in place". You gather all your mise en place so that when you start cooking you will not be lacking in the essentials needed (with minimal stops!). For instance, if you are cooking a complicated sauce you don't have time to stop what you're doing to chop up a bunch of vegetables or run around and gather milk and eggs....you have to have everything within hands reach so you don't ruin what you're making. In this process of gather mise en place and making sure I have everything I need I realize it is the same with my relationship with Christ. The Lord has given us ALL we need in order to live our lives to fulfill all the wonderful plans He has for us. What are those things? Simply put in three words, prayer, reading, and listening. This is our spiritual mise en place. When we have all these things we will not be lacking when we are put in a place where we don't have time to reach for the Bible and look something up. When we have these things we fill our spiritual stomachs with the fulfilling bread of life, and we learn to listen when words just aren't there, and we learn that once we have gathered what we need it is our responsibility to share what we have and enlighten the people around us with the amazing truths of God.

It's kind of funny because we grow up and hear about praying, reading the Bible, etc., but it's truly a lifelong process of truly getting it down. But the next thing about spiritual mise en place I realized was that if I do NOT have those things in my life, I will never reach the full potential Jesus has for my life. How can you reach your full potential when you don't take advantage of all the blessings around you? You won't. If you read your Bible every day, spend time in prayer, and sit in quiet and listen for God's gentle voice you are quietly taking the steps of reaching for the FULL potential God has for you.

So let's grab your mise en place, let's get cooking!!!